Family and Holidays have become more problematic over time. Divorce, death, aging, and distance seem to have taken a toll on the once ideal vision I had of a close family. While I still love my brother and sister, and would do anything within my power to help them, we are not close anymore. The daily exchanges of thoughts, sharing of meals, living under one roof, and laughing and playing have been gone for decades. It has eroded to occasional phone calls and obligatory gatherings for Holidays.
No one is to be blamed for the situation, or if there is, it must be spread equally among my siblings and me. My mother has tried her best to prevent it and she makes regular calls and visits to each of us, but father has been dead for a few years, divorce has changed the players, and increased the number of obligations. Combine those things with three siblings that are each very different, and each focused in disparate career and personal goals, and a two hour drive between us and the result is something less than I had expected as a child.
While the situation causes some sorrow from time-to-time. It is not one I am going to change. I am probably making the situation worse because I don’t want to attend the obligatory gatherings anymore. I just find it too empty. I’d rather just have a coversation with my brother and sister over a sandwich and soda, and I may try to do that instead of attending the Holiday rituals. Honestly I think I enjoy spending the Holidays with friends, relaxing, and going to movies and museums more.
I watched a PBS program, Family That Walks On All Fours this evening. It highlighted the life of a large, poor Turkish family the Ulas, with five adult family members that walk on all fours. The program focused on the excitement within the scientific community about the possibility that the family’s situation might provide us insight into the genes responsible for bipedalism.
The scientific aspects were mildly interesting but the real story for me was the humanity, or lack thereof in the situation. With just a little looking behind the main story you could see how culture, religion, and economics worked against the Ulas. How the scientists were interested in the situation to further their own theories, knowledge and reputation. Everyone was investigating and debating the causes of this family’s plight as a means to prove their theory, but one person, Defne Aruoba, stepped up and said she really didn’t care about the cause. She wanted to help change the family’s situation for the better and screw the scientific theory.
Defne Aruoba is a Turkish psychologist based in Istanbul and a doctoral candidate at the New School for Social Research in New York. It appears her role in the program was planned to be a minor one of translator for the more famous and senior scientist in the film. She was also to perform some basic psychological tests on the affected Ulas family members, to determine their intelligence and mental condition. However to me Defne is the star. She placed her role as scientist second to being a humanitarian.
In one snippet within the film, you see Aruoba arguing with the lead scientist to stop focusing on the theory and take the limited time they have with the family to help them. She emphasized that no one so far had really tried to help the family and it was within their means to do so.
“I don’t know what caused their disability. But I am positive that these people can be helped.”
After Aruoba’s impassioned appeal to the lead scientist you see a local physical therapist is hired to evaluate the family and help with rehabilitation. A walker is purchased and parallel bars are constructed in the family’s yard for them to be able to practice walking upright. Aruoba has even started the Ulas Foundation to raise money to help the Ulas family.
Her efforts made me shed a tear, and inspired me to read more about the story. I went to the PBS website to get more information. From what I read it was obvious that Aruoba was deeply moved by her experience with the Ulas family, and in turn she moved me. I hope you join me in saluting Defne Aruoba and all of those that stand up and make a difference.
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This is my first foray into “blogging”. I am not sure what to make of it. I have only read a few blogs online at this point but will read more soon. I like the idea of creating a diary of some sort. It could be therapeutic, and it could create a map of where I’ve been to look back upon and chronicle progress towards my goals.
Sharing it could be scary. It is a narrow slice of a person and lacks all of the details, background, and scope that really make the person, and it is intimate. I know I’ll be judged by those reading it, and if my photos are any clue, my thoughts will be liked by some and ridiculed by others. So be it.
Let’s just see where it goes.
